The Junior Year Slump

College: it's what every ambitious young woman ought to do, right? Choose what she wants to peruse for the rest of her life at the age of 18, commit the subsequent 4 years to study and maybe "finding herself" along the way, and finally come out with a degree and a bright future in her chosen field where she can prove her equality of skill and intelligence to that of any man. Growing up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, (the nations 22nd largest city) known as a steel town but truly an academic haven that contains over 20 colleges and universities within its metropolitan area, there never seemed to be any other option. Naturally, education was of utmost importance and a successful career was the epitome of feminist validation. How could I ever question the importance of career, the prestige of a doctorate? Of course I wanted to go to law school and move to D.C.!

Recently, though, those thoughts have been challenged. Five and a half years later, as I study at Oklahoma State University, I find myself questioning the relevance of my education to what I, as a woman, am to do with my life.  The more I talk to my peers, the more I am struck with the reality that, maybe, just maybe, being a mom and a wife isn't as meaningless a task as culture has taught me. Mind. Blown.

This is where the slump comes in. As I realize that I am intended to love and support a husband, nurture children, and keep a home, I can't help but think how DUMB school is. Obviously, education is worth while and as a student, I need to strive for excellence in my current stage of life. But in reality, all I can think about is crafting, cooking, thrifting, how I want to decorate my future home, and  the man that I want to care for more completely. Do you know what gets in the way of all these delicious thoughts? School. Dumb old school. It is like an anvil hanging over my head constantly waiting for me to let down my guard just long enough for it to come crashing down and leave me buried under a debris of broken pencils, torn notebook pages, smashed hard drives, and countless pages of assigned reading. Oh! To be assigned a craft rather than a paper! To read a recipe rather than another short story! I should just give up. But, despite the slumpiness of this slump, I shall continue to endeavor to persevere.

It is at times like these that I wonder what has happened to me, to that little D.C. bound lawyer. I think that she has realized that her ambition, although not incorrectly used as a lawyer in God's Kingdom, can affect people just as much, or more so, when directed toward the equally rigorous tasks of being a loving spouse and mother one day.